How Can I Connect with My Teen at University?

Dear Dr. Karyn,
My first child is heading to university this fall and I’m really scared that I’m going to lose this great relationship I have with him. What can I do to ensure our connection?

Answer:

I did a recent survey with young people going off to university and asked them what they would like from their parents? Most importantly, they said, “Tell them not to worry so much.”
Here are some tips: send personalized care packages. Receiving a package away from home is always a treat! Make sure it’s practical and fun. Think about what magazines, music, hair products they like. Customizing a care package makes it extra special. Second, if you’re within driving distance, take them out for a meal. Everyone likes a break from residence food. Third, send phone cards so they can call you. Fourth, ask them to define how often they’d like to be communicated. Every teen is different – some want to talk to their parents every day, others, once a month. If it’s not as often as you wish, give them space, at least at the beginning, as they adjust with their new environment.
Finally, ask specific questions: What is the best part of university? What is the worst part? Avoid asking, “How is university?” You’ll get “good” or some other one word answer. Be focused on really getting an idea of how their new life is away from home. It’s a big deal when teens move away for the first time. Join them – even by correspondence.