Dear Dr. Karyn,
Is it true a lot of teens have secret email accounts? I’m worried about my teens’ safety. How can I make them responsible internet users?

Answer:
The internet is an amazing tool. It provides us with an enormous amount of quick information, and allows teens to communicate quickly with each other. But using the internet is also a privilege and, like all privileges, it is accompanied by responsibilities.
 
A recent study says 50% of ‘tweens and teens have a secret email account that their parents don't know about. 10% of teens have been invited to meet someone in person from the internet and half of them went! We desperately need to equip our teens and children about internet safety. Think of the internet as a place not a thing. Just as we teach children safety rules about not talking to strangers, we need to teach safety rules regarding the internet.

Here are my 10 Tips to Make the Internet Safer For Teens:
 

1.	Put the computer in a neutral place like the family room. Do not put computers in children's bedrooms.
2.	Discuss with your teen that the internet is a privilege, not a right. Explain that you are happy to provide this service to them, but they need to show you they are responsible with it.
3.	Discuss and set limits with your teen. Divide their time limit between school time and socializing time. I find a realistic total is 1-3 hours per night depending on their age.
4.	Set boundaries on what sites they can and can't go to. For example, are you ok with your teens viewing pornographic material? Talking with strangers in chat rooms? Visiting online gambling sites? If not, tell them. Be clear about your expectations.
5.	Get software that helps monitor what sites your teen is visiting and who they are talking to. One of the best programs I've seen is the Microsoft MSN premium package - costs approximately $5/mth and empowers parents to measure their teen’s internet usage and determine whether they are abusing their internet privilege.
6.	Discuss consequences in advance if they abuse this privilege.
7.	Talk with your teen about never giving out personal information (i.e. real name, address, photos, bank information). If they are questioned about personal information, encourage your teen to pick a neutral name, not something sexual or self disclosing.
8.	Talk with your teen about never meeting someone they've met on the internet without you going with them.
9.	Talk with your teen about not dealing with social conflict over emails or MSN. So often, emails are misinterpreted because we can't read each other's body language. If they really need to deal with a situation, encourage them to have you read it first so you know it comes across assertively and not aggressively or cruel.
10.	Go to www.bewebaware.ca to learn more specific suggestions based on the age of your child.

If your teen doesn’t abide or agree to some basic internet rules, you can always take the internet away as a consequence. Remember the internet is a privilege, not a right.

What are the Signs of Internet Addiction?

Dear Dr. Karyn,
My teen is on the internet constantly! How do I know if she is addicted?

Answer:
There are 2 criteria you need to look for as a parent:
 

1.

Compulsiveness: Does the internet control your teen or does your teen control the internet? Could your teen stop using the internet this week, if they wanted to? Most teens would say, "Of course," but when challenged to do so would not be able to follow through.

2.

Negative Consequences: Is the internet affecting your teen in a negative way? For example, are their school marks decreasing? Do they have an attitude of entitlement that 'you owe them the right to the internet'? Are they rude or unappreciative? Is it affecting their sleeping or eating? If you are answering yes to these questions, consult your doctor. They can refer you to a counselor who specializes with teens and / or addictions.

How Much Time do Teens Spend on the Internet?
 

Dear Dr. Karyn,
My teen daughter and I recently had a discussion about the internet. She was telling me how EVERYONE in her class uses the internet. Do you have any stats about how often teens actually use the internet? I'm just curious.

Answer:
How much time do teens spend on the internet? A lot! According to a survey I did with over 1000 teens in Toronto and surrounding area:
 

.	40% of teens ages 13-15 spend 1 hour or less a day.
.	36% of teens ages 13-15 spend 2-3 hours a day.
.	43% of teens ages 16-19 spend 1 hour or less a day.
.	34% of teens ages 16-19 spend 2-3 hours a day.

What are the Pros & Cons of Teens Using the Internet?
 

Dear Dr. Karyn,
My wife and I are debating on whether or not our pre-teen should have access to the internet. We've just heard so many horror stories from other parents about what kids do to each other via MSN. What are the pros and cons of teens using the internet?

Answer:
Overall, I am in favour of teens having internet access; after all, it has become one of the most popular methods of socializing between teens. That being said, I highly recommend you read my response to another parent about how to make the internet safer. Make sure you talk about safety and appropriate and inappropriate communication with your pre-teen before they gain the privilege.


The Pros of Teens Using the Internet:
 

1.	Teens find more courage to voice their thoughts during a conflict because they’re not ‘facing the conflict’, they’re communicating indirectly.
2.	A teen can talk to many teens at the same time.
3.	Shy teens are more willing to verbalize their thoughts.
4.	Sending an email is less time consuming than calling a person.
5.	Teens get access to an amazing amount of information.

The Cons of Teens Using the Internet:
 

1.	Teens have less inhibition and often say things that can be cruel, aggressive, sexual or nasty.
2.	93% of communication is non-verbal. Therefore email messages are often misinterpreted because teens can't read each other's body language.
3.	Some teens get addicted to the content of the internet including video games, porn sites and chat rooms.
4.	You don't know who you are talking to. Some teens steal each other's password or ID and pretend they are someone else.
5.	Some teens abuse the privilege of the internet telling their parents they are doing schoolwork when, really, they are socializing.

What are Examples of the MSN Teen Lingo?

Dear Dr. Karyn,
Last month on your radio show I heard you quiz parents and teens on MSN lingo. I found this very helpful. I even gathered all my teens in the kitchen to quiz them. I really appreciated your ‘education' on this new teen language. Can you highlight perhaps 10-15 words for me? I'm trying to understand my daughter's language a bit more.
Answer:
First, be patient; learning how to understand the teen world is an enormous task. Although it's helpful to understand their lingo, be careful not to use their lingo. Teens tend to be very protective of their ‘language' and may get annoyed at parents trying to be ‘cool'. To help you out, here is a list of some of the words. Enjoy!
lol                     - laugh out loud
brb                    - be right back
g2g/gtg             - got to go
rofl                    - roll on the floor laughing
btw                   - by the way
ty                     - thank-you
i c                     - I see
ttyl                    - talk to you later
imo                   - in my opinion
nvm                  - never mind
jk                      - just kidding
wtg                   - way to go
np                     - no problem
bf/gf                  - boyfriend / girlfriend
dl                      - download
k/kk                  - okay
omg                  - oh my god / gosh
nm                    - nothing much
nmu                  - not much, you?
msg                  - message
convo                - conversation
<3                    - love (looks like a heart)
w/e                   - whatever
ppl                    - people
lv                      - leave
afk/d                 - away from keyboard / desk
a/s/l                  - age / sex / location
hw                    - homework
ttfn                    - ta ta for now
gmta                 - great minds think alike
sup                   - what's up
bbl                    - be back later
cui                    - cracking up inside
idc                    - I don't care
idk                    - I don't know
hw                    - homework           
jas                    - just a second
kotc                  - kiss on the cheek
wtf                    - what the f***
sn                     - screen-name
sry                    - sorry
sw                    - so what?
tmi                    - too much info
yt                     - you there
wrud                 - what are you doing
ytb                    - you're the best
lylas                 - love you like a sister
lylab                 - love you like a brother
dunno               - don't know
ttyl                    - talk to you later
b4                     - before
l8ter                  - later
lmao                 - laugh my a** off
pos                   - parent over shoulder (watch what you say...)
cu                     - see you

What are Some Practical Suggestions for Internet Safety?

Dear Karyn,
My family just got a computer (I know people think we’re absolutely crazy). I’ve heard horror stories from other parents about what their kids are doing online. What are some practical suggestions you can give me about how to make the internet safe in our home?

Answer:
What a great question! The internet is an amazing tool; it provides us with an enormous amount of quick information and it also allows kids to communicate quickly with each other. But using it is also a privilege and, like all privileges, it is accompanied by responsibilities.

Here are some suggestions.

1.Put the computer in a public place, e.g., kitchen or family room. Do not set up            the computer in their bedroom.

2.Set a limit on how much time each child will have on the internet and divide     this up between ‘school time’ and ‘socializing time’. I find a realistic total number   is between 1-3 hours per night depending on their age.

3.Go over some rules about what sites they can and can’t go to. For example, are         you ok with your child viewing pornographic material? Talking with strangers in            chat rooms? Visiting online gambling sites? If not, tell them. Be clear about your      expectations. 

4.Discuss how your child is going to deal with conflict via email. I’ve found that email encourages people to voice their thoughts more openly (usually a good         thing) but often this is done in a nasty, aggressive or thoughtless manner. If your     child is dealing with a conflict with a friend via email, encourage them (but don’t             make it mandatory) to show you their response before they send it. This way, you     can be sure your child is responding in a healthy way. If they don’t abide or agree to some basic internet rules, you can always take the internet away as a             consequence. Remember the internet is a privilege, not a right.

My Daughter has a Provocative Website. How Should I Respond?

Dear Dr. Karyn
I have serious concerns regarding my 17 year old daughter's use of the internet. I know she has built her own website but I’ve never seen it myself. I have come across some pictures that she and her girlfriend have taken of each other, i.e. cleavage of their chests, in their underwear. 
I do not wish to give her a hard time but this could be dangerous. Considering her lack of good judgment in the past and her attitude of entitlement, I am not sure what I should do. Help!

Answer:
Internet is a privilege not a right; the police are not going to come knocking on your door if you take away your teen’s internet privileges. At times, teens don’t understand this and think it is ‘their right’. I would approach this with two strategies. First, lovingly, I would take your daughter out and really try to understand how she is feeling about herself. Teens who take seductive pictures of themselves and then post them for the world to see communicates loud and clear to me that they are struggling with self-esteem issues. Second, I would lovingly but firmly communicate that the internet is a privilege. For her to receive this privilege there are certain responsibilities, one of them being she needs to show you her website. If she refuses, it’s probably because she’s ashamed of what’s on it. In that case, I would be firm that she is going to lose the privilege. You can’t make your daughter learn good judgment but you can set realistic and appropriate boundaries that will encourage her. I also think a professional counselor who specializes with teens would also be very helpful for her.