Dear Dr. Karyn,
I recently heard you discussing ‘The top 20 things dads don’t understand about their teen daughters. Can you share with me again the top 20? I want to share these with my husband because I really believe he doesn’t get our four daughters at all. Thank-you.

Answer:
Great question! The wonderful thing is the top 20 list was created by 18 year old Alison-Violet Mount who interviewed many of her female teen friends. I received many emails from teen girls and parents saying the list was “very accurate”. To all mothers and fathers: sit back, enjoy the read and think about how many relate to you.…

Top 20 Things Teen Girls Want Their Dads To Know

1. We are going to have boyfriends, face it.

2. We can’t even go to the grocery store without being bombarded on how to look and dress.

3. Yes, a bad hair day could result in a three-day bad mood.

4. We may buy unnecessary amounts of clothes; shopping is more than shopping - it’s therapy.

5. Some of us just may never be satisfied with our hair colour.

6. Even though I may switch friends week to week, we still expect you to remember their names.

7. Getting into a fight with a present friend does not always mean it’s over. They just won’t be calling for the next hour.

8. We think we are amazing drivers even though we’ve never had lessons from you.

9. If a boy calls, please act as normal as possible. That means no jokes or my old nick names.

10. And, if a boy comes to pick me up, the only necessary topics of discussion are sports, sports, sports and when I will be returned safely at a decent hour.

11. Unfortunately, some of us don't know that we look beautiful everyday so make sure you tell us - and mean it..

12. You’ll never understand our online lingo, so please stop trying.

13. At this age, you’re never going to convince us that your career is the best choice.

14. Our room is our space. Please let us decorate it in as many non-damaging ways as possible.

15. Dad, there are some things that you’ll be happy we just speak to mom about.

16. Beautification is a long practiced process that nearly always requires loud music. Please do not disturb us from this concentrative art.

17. Our life, especially school, feels like a lot of pressures and you are one of our toughest critics. Please just try to keep the criticism constructive.

18. One of your hardest jobs is watching us grow up. But deep down, we will always be your little girl.

19. A teenage girl’s life is bumpy and we are going to need our strong and supportive fathers to keep us grounded.

20. And finally, just remember that you were a teenager once too.

20 Tips Every Mother Needs to Know When Raising Her Teen Son.

Dear Dr. Karyn
I have three sons and find it difficult at times to know what they need and expect from me. Could you send me your top 20 list about what teen guys believe their mothers need to know. Thank you so much.

Answer:
I’ve received many emails and calls from parents wanting this list. Glad to hear that you enjoyed it. The following list was created by teen son Eric Acosta and his friends. Sit back and enjoy. Ask your son how many apply to him.   

Top 20 Things Teen Guys Want Their Mothers to Know

1. Stop telling us to pull up our pants.

2. Our first shave should not be considered a Kodak moment.

3. Don’t take it personally that we don’t want to go shopping with you anymore.

4. What may be “just a game” to you, e.g., sports game, video games, could be extremely important to us.

5. You’ll never think that a girl is good enough for us but we need to find out for ourselves.

6. Leave “The Talk” to Dad.

7. Try to bite your tongue when our voices crack.

8. What may sound like noise to you is great music to us

9. Reminding is different than nagging.

10. If you think something’s wrong, there probably is. Please don’t press the issue. We’ll come to you when we’re ready.

11. We eat a lot.

12. Just because video games weren’t around when you were a kid doesn’t make them any less fun.

13. My room isn’t messy, it’s ‘lived-in’.

14. If you give us too much freedom we might abuse it. If you give us too little, we’ll definitely abuse it.

15. My cell phone is not a 24-hour personal Walkie-Talkie.

16. It’s not just good decisions we learn from.

17. Assuring us that our current problem is “not a big deal” won’t change our minds.

18. It’s one thing to introduce yourself to our friends but another to interrogate them

19. Schoolwork is obviously important. That doesn’t mean that other things aren’t.

20. Even if we don’t say it enough, we do appreciate you

What is the Father / Son Relationship?

Dear Dr. Karyn,
I have two sons whom I love dearly. I worry sometimes because I didn’t have a strong relationship with my father and I want to be a great dad for them. What would you suggest I do the most to have a great relationship with my boys?

Answer:
The father / son relationship has a special bond. Although father and son may have different interests, different personalities and different humour, they share two things: they’re both male and they’re both part of the same family. And with the hundreds of teen guys I’ve chatted with over the last decade, one of the most important things guys want, although most will never freely admit it, is for their dads to be proud of them. Some sons look up to their dads so much that they think, “I’ll never be like him – so why bother trying?” It’s like a celebrity parent and child scenario and, as a result, their motivation is low. They can never measure up to their dad who in their mind is their hero so they do nothing. Other sons do the opposite. They so badly want their dad’s approval that they work extremely hard - they become overachievers - hoping their dad will finally say, “Son, I love you and I’m so proud of you.” The difficulty I’ve noticed is that most of us are not completely honest with each other, not even with ourselves. We put a front on. We pretend we don’t really care. We even say, “I don’t care what he thinks of me,” as tears roll down our face. As a father, I challenge you to find the courage to tell your son openly that you love him. If you haven’t told your son recently how much you care for him, let him know. If your son is making choices that honestly don’t make you proud, focus on his character. Let him know the parts of his character that you are proud of – this might give you a window into his heart. Fathers, you are your son’s greatest model. You are indirectly teaching him how to be a man and how to be a father. You have much more power than you realize!