Dear Dr. Karyn,
I recently heard you talk about the importance of teens and parents not having packed schedules. Can you explain again how overscheduled lives can impact the parent / teen relationship?

Answer:
I actually did my doctorate dissertation on parent / teen over-indulgence and over-scheduling was one of the over-indulgences I covered. Here’s a quick overview. When parents and teens over-pack their schedule it impacts their emotions, relationships and physical well-being. Emotionally, they may feel irritable, short-tempered and stressed out. Obviously, these unpleasant emotions are going to impact relationships.

Let me just ask you: how do you communicate when you’re stressed out? Most of us are short, abrupt and have very little patience or tolerance when things don’t go as planned. Physically, over-scheduled calendars can cause some people to eat poorly because they are always on the run. Some people have sleep problems, sex problems, headaches and stomach aches.

The quickest and easiest way to maintain balance in your family is to set boundaries around how many activities you commit yourself to. I recommend everyone has at least 1-2 evenings a week that are unscheduled. This means no agenda. No plan. No schedule. Our bodies, emotions and mind need a break. The first step to maintaining an unscheduled life is setting boundaries. Balance and boundaries go hand in hand. I believe saying ‘no’ is one of the most important life skills we need to learn.

How Full Should My Child’s Schedule Really Be?

Dear Dr. Karyn,
I want my child to have the best opportunities so I’ve always enrolled them in numerous activities. Now I’m wondering if he is too busy. How full should a child’s schedule be?

Answer:
This is a popular question in the fall when we sign up for extra-curricular activities. The big question is how full should we pack our schedule? And our childrens’ schedule? In my book, Raising Healthy Teens In An Age of Overindulgence, I address overscheduled calendars. What happens when our calendars are too full? When we don’t have any relaxation time? Any down time? There are many emotional and physical consequences. The most common ones I see at my practice, when calendars are too full, people get irritable, short-tempered, sometimes anxious. This impacts relationships at home and with friends. Experts tell us we all need downtime -unscheduled time when we can do nothing, veg, relax, unwind. In one of my favourite books, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Dr. Covey’s explains the 7th habit is for people to “sharpen their saw”. In other words, for all of us to be the most effective counselors, teachers, parents, students, we need to give our machine – our bodies and mind - a break. So before you agree to be on one more committee, ask yourself: how much time, right now, do you have that is unscheduled? Remember, if you want your child to live a balanced lifestyle, you’ve got to model this for them.